PSYCH!!!

So right when you have everything sorted out, planned and organized to run smoothly, life suddenly pulls a fast one and yells "PSYCH!" Nice try!! Life can't be that boring! Nope life can't be that simple and easy. Instead everything has to be flipped, changed, shaken, stirred and toppled like a tower of toy blocks ready to be reassembled into something completely different and new.

People change, grow up, move on, show their true colours, leave you behind, pick you up and it all leaves you wondering where your simple life full of simple people where everything was working out went.
You are constantly learning about yourself, what you like, what you hate, where you are meant to be, where you aren't meant to be for sure. For example, I've learned that if you have a dream that you think you can't reach, trying something else to fill that dream doesn't work. Social Work isn't filling the void that Nursing has created in my heart, and it's time to really fight for what makes me happy. So it's out with the old Lakehead University and in with whatever College will accept me for Registered Practical Nurse Program, the hands on nursing that I want to do so badly. This is the nursing that I can take with me back to Haiti, the schooling that will help me make such a difference and make me so happy.

That's another lesson this crazy roller-coaster of life has taught me, that if I want something then I have to fight for it or otherwise I have to settle for something else. But I can't stand to settle for less than my dream, I've tried and it just doesn't work. If you aren't happy then you don't succeed to your fullest potential. I can't stand the idea or the possibility of not reaching my dream, so it's time to start dreaming and reaching for the stars again. Maybe this time I'll rope in my own North Star for God to guide me in the right direction.

But sometimes you have to know when a dream has vanished from your finger tips despite your grasp on it, and you have to realize when it's time to let go because it's no longer worth your time. This I must say has been the most difficult lesson by far because you are never quite ready to let go of something you valued so much. It's too exhausting emotionally to chase a dream that doesn't even exist anymore despite your best efforts to recreate it.

So this post doesn't seem to have any real direction in it other than to just throw out there where I've found myself in life and what's racing through my brain. But I do have one last thing. Life always rights its self if it does dump you on your butt after flipping your world upside down, you just need to learn from it and wait for everything to work out the way God intends for it to. I know that's what I've been trying to do all along! Easier said than done that's for sure...but hey anything worth accomplishing is worth working for!

Life Changes!

So it’s been a very long time since I last wrote, but that’s ok. Life gets so packed that it’s crazy!! Life can also change in a split second, and after something happens and life changes, there is no going back.

Life for me changed when I finally moved away from home and out on my own to experience university life. It’s pretty crazy to think that it seemed like 5 years ago I was still frustrated with my parents because I wasn’t allowed to walk ‘uptown’ in my town of 2000 people, even though my neighbourhood best friend could. But instead life has flown by and flipped around to the point where I can go where I wish when I wish pretty much, and my parents aren’t here for me to ask permission for anything. It’s like I’m an adult…but then I remember that I am an adult and that my choices and my decisions should be treated like that of an adult. It’s scary to think that I’m not a child anymore since that’s all I’ve ever known life to be like, but at the same time it’s an exciting new adventure!

But life doesn’t always change on its own. Sometimes you have someone completely unexpected suddenly show up in your life and it changes everything you ever thought you knew about people. They show you a whole new way of looking at life, a whole new perspective on people and they mould you and shape you into who are you slowly becoming. People have this crazy way of helping you heal from your past, deal with your present and prepare for your future, even if they don’t know you that well or for that long. Sometimes welcoming new people into your life is the best decision you will ever make, and sometimes it’s the worst. But regardless, you should never be afraid to take a risk or to welcome a new soul into your circle of friends. Sometimes you are just the person they need as a friend, and sometimes they are just the friend you’ve been looking for. Of course this doesn’t mean that any previous friends have ever been replaced, because people are irreplaceable, but new friends should never be a bad thing.

It’s true that yes, people will betray your trust, you will get hurt, and sometimes you will feel like you never want to meet or give another person a chance ever again, but you can’t let what people have done to you define who you are or dictate how you will live your life. That’s not fair to you, because you are the one who lives your life. Sometimes you just need to have faith in humanity, forgive and forget those who betray you and hurt you, move on and live your life to the fullest. Life is empty and lonely without people to support you and love you, so sometimes you just need to learn to open up and love someone back in order to have a life bursting with fun, life and vibrancy.

So today I challenge you to step out and take a risk, make a new friend, forgive an enemy and to open your heart to see what life truly has in store for you. You won’t regret it, I know I don’t.

Starting with Goodbyes

One week. That's all that's left of my normal life of living with the same parents and family for the past 18 years. In 7 days I will be leaving for good, out living life based off of the experience and lessons learned in my 18 years of life. It's really kind of scary to think about to be perfectly honest. I mean who will make sure I get up for class? Who will keep the fridge stocked and remind me that eating is actually important even when you aren't hungry? Who will remind me that my laundry needs to be done or changed from the washer to the dryer? Who will basically raise me? Well, that's the funny thing. I've been raised for 18 years, now it's time to put that all to use on my own. I'm done being 'raised' and now I have to live life as an adult.
Luckily I am an independent person by nature and have no fear of leaving home whatsoever. There is no anxiety in my gut that is making me second guess my independence in going so far away to Thunder Bay. But then again is it just that reality hasn't set in yet? Will it finally hit me to the point of homesickness the day after my parents fly home? I try not to give myself time to worry about that, and hope that it won't be an issue.
But there is one issue I have been struggling with lately, and that is the fact that I am saying goodbye to so many people who mean so much to me. I mean yes of course we say that we will see eachother at Christmas, but what if heaven forbid weather grounded my plane or some tragic accident occurs and I don't ever get to see the people I love so much and that I left behind ever again? I hate to think that I won't be seeing these wonderful people everyday like I have been for years. It is just so weird that my best friend won't be giving me her amazing hugs, or my little brother won't be bothering me for the TV remote anymore.
This is such a huge transition in life, and I still haven't quite figured out how to react to it. I know that I will tackle it head on like I tackle every challenge in life, but I don't know what that includes yet. I will no longer be surrounded by my community in making my decisions on how to tackle things either, so I am making all these decisions on my own as well. It is deffinetly a weird idea to dwell on, that's for sure.
But to any friends or family reading this, just know that I love all you guys, and that you will all always hold a very special piece of my heart. I'll make sure to remember all of you as I start this brand new adventure with Goodbyes.

Acceptable Stalkers

Have you ever had the feeling that someone is watching you? You keep turning around and looking but there is never anyone there staring back at you in the face. Personally I hate that feeling and it creeps me out beyond belief. But recently I’ve noticed a certain type of people that are definitely not afraid to stare at those around them. The interesting thing is, is that they need to watch because it is how they learn and how they grow. Most of these ‘people watchers’ are usually under 5 feet tall and under the age of 10 years old.

            Children idolize those above them or their elders because we supposedly know more right? We are the experienced ones in life that they need to soak information from. Children learn reactions to situations, attitude, socially acceptable actions and acceptable language from those around them that they look up to.

So I stopped to thing after this light bulb went off in my head…what kind of examples are these young people watchers soaking up? To be honest, they aren’t exactly the best and brightest examples or role models that these kids are watching. Women dress immodestly, drugs and sex and alcohol are all promoted and men often promote violence. What are we teaching these kids?? And why do we wonder why the rate of young deaths and crime are going up if all we are teaching them is that ‘what not to do’ is actually what they are supposed to be doing. That doesn’t make an sense to me but it’s reality.

So why can’t those bad examples be good ones? How hard can it be to watch what you say, do and act like? Actually it is really hard! You almost never realize when these kids are watching you. But this doesn’t mean that we can just give up and leave it alone. If we want their lives to be better than what they are turning out to be then something needs to change. There isn’t something genetically wrong with these kids; it’s just that they have really bad role models to learn from. So why can’t we step up to the plate and be acceptable idols for these younger kids? Most young adults say; it’s not cool. My response? Get over yourself and think of the bigger picture outside of your world.
            These acceptable stalkers need some older people worth watching and studying so that they can grow into the great role models for future stalkers, and on goes the cycle.

To know or not to know?

Have you ever wondered why things work out the way they do? I mean sometimes the worst situations eventually flip into something amazing, but you never ever would have dreamed that the situation would have worked out the way it did. I mean how are those things orchestrated? It’s crazy to try and wrap my head around the idea that every single thing I do and every single thing that the other six billion people on this planet do have dozens of ripple effects and consequences, but also that all those things that happen, happen for a specific reason. We only have so much control over what happens right? So then what about all the things that happen which we can’t control and are supposedly ‘chance’ or ‘luck’? If everything happens for a reason, then there shouldn’t be such things as fate, chance or luck. There has to be a master plan that has everything worked out for the future and that knows everything. Many are the days that people wish they could see and/or change their master plan, but if you think about it, that master plan is what shapes you and those around you into who you are today. So that wouldn’t exactly be a good idea now would it?

            But boy life would be a lot less stressful if only we knew the future and how everything turned out. To be honest, I don’t think I would ever want to know the master plan. Such good things would be ruined if one knew everything and how everything worked out. The gender of a newborn baby, life’s most beautiful and precious gift could no longer be such a wonderful surprise. No child or adult would ever experience the thrill and the joy of a surprise birthday party where their friends and family express their love and appreciation for the birthday boy or girl. No boyfriend or husband could surprise their girlfriend or wife with roses on their anniversary either!

            Really the adventure of discovering life and the excitement of figuring out who you are is suddenly stolen and discarded, and I don’t think I would really be able to live life like that. It would be such a boring way to spend everyday looking forward to what you already know for the next fifty years. So while I may wonder why things work out the way they do and I don’t understand, I really don’t want to understand. I want to keep life exciting, mysterious and yeah I suppose I want life to be a little stressful. We can’t live a perfect life now can we? Nope we can’t so why not have some fun with life to balance out the stress!

Changing Scenery

So it is almost summer vacation, all the highschool students are stressed out of their minds working frantically to get ISU projects done, studying for final exams and trying to line up a summer job, all while they are antsy for school to be out for the summer.
Me personally, I feel like I am being pulled in a bajillion different directions all at once, and expected to be elasticwoman in accomplishing everything. ISU's, studying, scholarships, OSAP applications, course selection, residence, family, sports, friends, homework. My favourite line? Only ___ more days.
But i prefer this stressful place, because it's a much more managable place than where I was 2 weeks ago. I didn't know if I was returning to highschool, if I was going to University, what program I needed to be in. I had no idea what was going on with my life. But like always despite my doubts and fears, God came through once again.
He cleared my vision and my path to show me a glimpse of his plan, just enough to show me where and what life holds for me in the next while. Of course like always, his plan is waaaaaay different from mine, but go figure. Life still isn't fully set up for me but when has it ever been? I know where I am accepted to for school, but I haven't heard of where I'm living in the fall, how I will pay for this expensive schooling or anything like that! But I'm taking baby steps in learning to have faith and believe in what he has planned because obviously he knows whats happening.
No I'm not going for nursing like I thought I should be, but maybe it's not what would suit me best seeing as how I struggle in Chemistry and Math. Maybe this Social Work program will teach me how to reach out to people, to council and aid those who need it most. This is still a very useful skill to have in a tradgety stricken country!! Who knows what's in store??
My course now in life is pass my courses to the best of my ability, work hard all summer to help pay for school, and in the fall life will take a pretty sharp turn as I head off to University. Thunder Bay and Lakehead University here I come for Social Work!! That's a pretty different route then what I had planned that's for sure.
All I know for certain is that my scenery is changing in countless ways, and all I am focused on for the short term is making sure I actually pass math class and making it to summer vacation. I'm trying my hardest to trust God's plan will all work out for me and that HE is the one who knows best, not me. Who knows? Maybe this change in scenery will be an adventure of a life time.

A Blessing in Diguise

Somebody put on the brakes!! Life is out of control as a senior student! I know I can speak for almost every grade twelve student out there that is headed for university, in saying that right now we are in overdrive with an overload of stress, and it is a rollercoaster ride.
Life is filled with new experiences as young adults, friends, I.S.U. projects, homework, scholarship applications, university applications, exams, jobs, and the list goes on and on.
But what happens when it all feels like it’s too much? Like you can’t perform up to standards set by your family, your teachers, the province, your peers, and yourself?
I found myself asking that question while staring into a rejection letter…from the only university I dream of going to. Now what I expected from myself, what my family expected, is all down the drain.

But in the grand scheme of things, really are these things such a big deal? Do they really matter to the point where they can ruin your life? Let’s break it down a bit and tackle the two biggest issues that highschool seniors deal with.

School; Yes you really should work hard and do your homework and finish your I.S.U.s and perform to the best of your ability by all means. But can you really complain? We in North America have a FREE education system that is almost unmatched. If you fail a class, it is still free and there are several ways to ensure that the failed class is retaken. If a student struggles in a certain subject then there are tutors, learning strategies and professionals are all dedicated to student success. How many students in second and third world countries would give up everything they own just for half of the educational opportunities we have here? In Haiti, the children beg you to teach them English, and they don’t have tutors, professionals or worry about failed classes. Why is this?? Because they value education for what it is and should be valued for!! Education is such a rare and precious thing, so why not work your tail off out of thankfulness for what we have been blessed with!

University; So University or College is a big deal in life because it really helps mould and shape your future yes? Of course! But is it the end of the world if you aren’t accepted? Most definitely not. What if it isn’t where you are supposed to be and life has a completely different path laid out for you? Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes all it takes is a little bit of trust. God has a huge master plan, and he is in complete control. I figure with my own situation, that if the Haitians I met can trust God with everything, they have including there lives on a daily basis, then I can take a leap of faith on just this one decision. Dr. Manno stressed the fact that he doesn’t receive funding for his clinic, and yet they serve thousands of Haitians. How does the clinic survive? He says everyday he relearns how to trust that God will provide for his clinic and his people. So why not let all that stress go and learn to trust?

Stress of an everyday senior highschool student is rough, I would know. But when I take a step back and look to see the rest of the world, I realize and I see how incredibly blessed and lucky I am to have the life I do and stress is a part of the package. It’s a part of life that we have to learn to deal with, but we students can’t let it get to us, because we have what over 60% of the world dreams of having. Despite how tough the education system seems, it really is a massive blessing in disguise.