So right when you have everything sorted out, planned and organized to run smoothly, life suddenly pulls a fast one and yells "PSYCH!" Nice try!! Life can't be that boring! Nope life can't be that simple and easy. Instead everything has to be flipped, changed, shaken, stirred and toppled like a tower of toy blocks ready to be reassembled into something completely different and new.
People change, grow up, move on, show their true colours, leave you behind, pick you up and it all leaves you wondering where your simple life full of simple people where everything was working out went.
You are constantly learning about yourself, what you like, what you hate, where you are meant to be, where you aren't meant to be for sure. For example, I've learned that if you have a dream that you think you can't reach, trying something else to fill that dream doesn't work. Social Work isn't filling the void that Nursing has created in my heart, and it's time to really fight for what makes me happy. So it's out with the old Lakehead University and in with whatever College will accept me for Registered Practical Nurse Program, the hands on nursing that I want to do so badly. This is the nursing that I can take with me back to Haiti, the schooling that will help me make such a difference and make me so happy.
That's another lesson this crazy roller-coaster of life has taught me, that if I want something then I have to fight for it or otherwise I have to settle for something else. But I can't stand to settle for less than my dream, I've tried and it just doesn't work. If you aren't happy then you don't succeed to your fullest potential. I can't stand the idea or the possibility of not reaching my dream, so it's time to start dreaming and reaching for the stars again. Maybe this time I'll rope in my own North Star for God to guide me in the right direction.
But sometimes you have to know when a dream has vanished from your finger tips despite your grasp on it, and you have to realize when it's time to let go because it's no longer worth your time. This I must say has been the most difficult lesson by far because you are never quite ready to let go of something you valued so much. It's too exhausting emotionally to chase a dream that doesn't even exist anymore despite your best efforts to recreate it.
So this post doesn't seem to have any real direction in it other than to just throw out there where I've found myself in life and what's racing through my brain. But I do have one last thing. Life always rights its self if it does dump you on your butt after flipping your world upside down, you just need to learn from it and wait for everything to work out the way God intends for it to. I know that's what I've been trying to do all along! Easier said than done that's for sure...but hey anything worth accomplishing is worth working for!
